Breetelgeuse

Bring me a husband.

Listen. Since I was about fourteen I thought people getting married young was foolish, unwise, on the verge of desperate, etc. A few weeks ago I was praying. Hardcore, face in pillow, crying my eyes out mid-afternoon kind of prayer. In that moment, I was seeking more of His presence and for clarity in my current life situation. I was praying for strength, for God to show me where I am headed, to open doors and to reveal where life will take me next. I began praying not only for the near future, but I began asking for God to show me a huge shift that I need to make in order to grow in general and especially with my music. I prayed for His hand upon my songwriting, my voice and fingers, for inspiration. For clarity. Almost 2 hours go by and I hear this voice saying, “You need to get married first.” I kid you not.

I began crying harder, weeping now. Okay, God, I prayed, if that is you saying that, let your will be done. Seriously, just take over. I am nothing without you. Bring me my husband, then. I am trusting you. Everything I have asked for you have provided me with and more. I give it up to you and my hope rests on your timing.

Wow. Mind you, I am only nineteen years old. I will be twenty in a few short months. I know I am young. I have mocked myself and others for being so young. I’ve written so many songs about being young that it has almost turned into a joke at this point. So, yes, I am nineteen years *young* and the thing I believe I must do is get married. It all makes complete sense- I’ll get eaten alive by dirty men no matter where I go. I will surely be tempted. Can you imagine me being single and extraordinarily known for my music? Seems odd. 1 Corinthians 7 talks about marriage and how it is better to stay single. Well, it also says it is better to get married than to burn with lust. TROOOOTH.

Something that has always stuck in my mind to watch for at concerts is the ring on the musicians finger(s), mostly at Christian shows. It seems as though before all the big names in music ventured off into the world of music, they got married first. Many rings on many fingers. Not that I compare myself to others on that level necessarily, but it make sense that I get married before I run off and do big things and fulfill my giant dreams. It is actually the wiser of the two, rather than to run around the music industry without a ring on my finger and someone to come home to.

As I said, I will be tempted. I am so passionate it is not a joke. 1 Corinthians 7 talks about not being able to control passion. I do not believe I will ever give in before I marry, but I am tempted everyday. I don’t think it is fair for me to meet a man (I think I know who it is, by the way) and bring along my inability to control my lustful desires and crap. It seems so unprepared and childish of me to bring any baggage into a relationship and I need to work on a few things within myself before I believe this will really happen. Full on, though, I am ready. I no longer think or talk about how I am in NO way getting married anytime soon. Well, I know it needs to happen. I also know I am stubborn and impatient. Pray for me, guys. Ha.

It really is. When I’m out in the world people are so hush hush about this Jesus and Christianity thing. I just think if He is really touching your life you wouldn’t be able to keep your mouth shut about it!! Every chance you get, tell somebody how He’s changed you! People are watching your every move. Too much of this, “Oh, you’re a Christian, too?” business exists! Haha! Above all else this is a kick in the back of MY knee, honestly.